You’re Not Alone: Grief After Suicide and the Quiet Relief of Being Understood

Sixteen years ago, I lost someone I loved to suicide.

His name was Richard. And for a long time, I carried that loss like a secret weight—one I wasn’t sure anyone else could understand.

Here’s the thing no one tells you about grief after suicide: it’s complicated. It isn’t just sadness. It’s guilt. It’s anger. It’s confusion. It’s the unanswerable question of why. It’s sleepless nights replaying conversations, wondering if you missed something.

When I first shared a piece of my story publicly, I didn’t expect much response. But the messages started coming in—more than I could count.

People told me about their husbands, sons, brothers, best friends, and neighbors. They told me about fathers they lost, sisters they couldn’t save, and friends who left without warning.

Some of them said the exact words I’d once whispered to myself:

“I thought I was the only one who felt this way.”

That’s why I’m writing this today. Not for sympathy. Not for attention. But because if you’ve been touched by suicide loss, you deserve to know:

You are not alone.

The Lonely Club No One Wants to Join

Losing someone to suicide can make you feel like you’re part of a club you never asked to join.

It’s a club filled with people who carry unspoken questions, who wonder if they’re allowed to laugh again, who don’t always know how to answer when someone asks, “How did they die?”

If this is you, I want you to hear me clearly:

• Your thoughts are normal.

• Your feelings are valid.

• You are allowed to grieve in your own way, in your own time.

Grief doesn’t follow a script, especially after a suicide. Some days you’ll feel like you’re moving forward. Other days you’ll find yourself right back in the middle of it, heart pounding, throat tight, wondering if you’re starting all over again.

That’s grief.That’s human.And it’s okay.

Why Talking About Suicide Loss Matters

When people started reaching out to me after I shared my story, they all said some version of the same thing:

• “I didn’t know anyone else felt this way.”

• “I thought my guilt was unusual.”

• “I thought I was broken.”

You’re not broken. You’re grieving. And sharing stories is one of the ways we heal.

It’s how we remind each other that life after loss—even life after suicide loss—can still hold color, love, connection, and yes, even joy.

Resources for Suicide Loss Survivors

If you’ve lost someone to suicide and you’re looking for support, here are some helpful resources:

• AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) – Find local support groups and resources.

• Survivors of Suicide Loss – Safe spaces for people navigating grief after suicide.

• The Alliance of Hope – A 24/7 online forum for survivors of suicide loss.

Sometimes it helps just to hear someone else say, “Me too.”

A Gentle Invitation

If you’re reading this and you’ve been through it—whether you lost someone recently or years ago—I hope you’ll give yourself permission to breathe.

To be messy.To cry when you need to.To laugh when you can.

And if you’ve never talked about it before, maybe today’s the day you tell someone. Or maybe you just keep reading, knowing that in this small corner of the internet, someone gets it.

You’re not alone. And you never have been.

If you ever need to talk, I’m here. No scripts. No pressure.Just a kind shoulder and absolutely no judgment.